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And, I choose not to passive-aggressively add, if that is ridicufar for you, you should all know that I am an hour further away from you than that. So if anyone thinks it’s unreasonable for me to complain that everything is always in Detroit/Ann Arbor area, you can suck my balls.

Things I Don’t Want In My Next Relationship

  1. bigotry
  2. someone who is rude to waitstaff and/or servicepeople
  3. disrespects any of my hobbies
  4. selfish or lazy in bed
  5. gets serious too fast
  6. puts down my goals
  7. childish sense of humor
  8. bad communication
  9. abusive to me or anyone
  10. wrong ideas about dog training/subscribes to dominance theory
  11. never wants to go out
  12. never wants to stay in
  13. controlling
  14. dishonest
  15. addiction
  16. low empathy
  17. makes fun of social justice
  18. boring
  19. tells bad jokes
  20. not comfortable being naked
  21. never wants to be physically affectionate
  22. takes me for granted
  23. looking for a mother or a maid
  24. sees me as an Exceptional Woman
  25. Nice Guy
  26. judgmental
  27. doesn’t respect my (eventual) Judaism

Things I Want In My Next Relationship

  1. respect
  2. great sex
  3. real companionship
  4. someone emotionally mature
  5. who can handle me wearing heels
  6. someone financially responsible
  7. who is fulfilled and ambitious in their career
  8. well educated
  9. sense of fun
  10. likes to travel
  11. gets along with my friends
  12. likes to be romantic
  13. brings me flowers
  14. must love dogs
  15. likes to dance/has rhythm
  16. musical, preferably sings
  17. willing to get dressed up and do fancy shit
  18. cooks
  19. reads
  20. likes us to look good together
  21. good relationship with their family

Okay but me basically saying “let’s all agree to ship and let ship” is actually undermined by you saying “I don’t want to hear any shipping talk at all”, you’re not agreeing with me.

I feel really unwelcome among certain LSGers because I am a giant flailing fangirl. But I’m not sorry. Most of the time I watch and/or read shit so I can get into some new fanfic. The slash goggles have been welded to my head for almost half my life now. This is why and how I enjoy my fandoms.

TBH I should probably warn them that if we watch The Great Mouse Detective I’ll be shipping the unholy fuck out of that too.

so i bought this pumpkin pie/lavender perfume stuff

b/c it’s scientifically proven to attract men or w/e

and i enjoy the idea of being super hot and attractive and totally unattainable

idk it’s a weird thing i have

anyway

i smell

like a delicious baked dessert

i want to eat my own wrists rn

This is a boring text post about xmas gifts for my family.

Sigh. Now my sister wants glittens for xmas. The implication is that I will knit them for her. Hah, the only year I finished any of my knitted gifts—no, that’s not true, the year before I managed to finish my best friend’s Anemoi Mittens—but the only year I finished any knitted gifts for family I made everyone these two-inch-high stocking ornaments that took about an hour each. And I didn’t send them out until January.

I will be buying the glittens for her at work with my 25% discount. They come in pink and we purportedly have them in stock in that color. But I should ask her what color she wants, she might have completely changed her superficial personality to appeal to the men in her immediate vicinity yet again, which she does every few years. Sometimes it involves a complete 180 on things like her expressed musical taste and favorite color.

I’m probably getting my dad this Blues Brothers T-shirt. I know he will love and wear it, I just need to get the right size. Which reminds me, brb, I need to sneak into his room and look at some shirt tags.

I knew this would happen. I told LSG this woman does not take no for an answer.

Some backstory: about a month ago my sister messaged me on Facebook basically demanding that I knit sweaters for her dogs, for free, so that she could keep them shaved all winter to cut down on their shedding.

I, naturally, told her no, on the basis that with my new job, I would not have time to finish the sweaters by the time the dogs would need them.

I had already made a sweater for Chromie, because for an eleven-pound smooth-coated terrier living in Michigan, a sweater is a necessity. (My sister lives in Tennessee and has pugs, which while still shorthaired have fur at least three times longer and thicker than Chromie’s and are also larger, giving them a smaller surface-to-volume ratio and thus an easier time keeping themselves warm. They also have one another to snuggle against for warmth. Also, it turns out you can purchase dog sweaters, you know, at the store, for a fraction of what I would pay for yarn? Who knew.)

My dad emailed the two of us these pictures of Chromie in her sweater.

My sister then sent my dad, but not me, a passive aggressive email about how, oh, she thought I didn’t have time to knit dog sweaters.

I am ignoring this behavior unless and until she actually brings it up with me, at which point I may actually spell out for her that she is not entitled to my time or energy. That in fact I did finish Chromie’s sweater but I have not finished my scarf or mittens, and probably won’t until it’s too warm to wear them. That since she takes every opportunity to make fun of the fact that I spin and knit, she is off my knitworthy list and has been for some time.

Or maybe I’ll just ask her what makes her think I knit Chromie’s sweater myself, because my dad didn’t indicate that in the email.

so my dad thinks he left his debit card in an atm

he is driving over there in the futile hope that someone was a decent human being and left it there

i’m just going dad you need to call and report it lost

I decided I’m too eclectic to limit myself to only wearing vintage all the time.

I still love it, I just love other looks too. So I’m gonna keep my hair a length and basic shape that works for it, but that will also work if I leave it straight and whatever. I might get bangs IDK.

Dude. If your dog keeps eating your knitting needles you need to do two things:

  • give the dog more to do
  • find a place to keep your knitting shit where he can’t get it

My dog ate one project one time and I made sure she never got near my knitting again. You are the one who can think this situation through logically so you are the one who is responsible for making sure it stops happening.